By snoadmin
Last week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger sent a memo to San Francisco Democratic Assemblyman Tom Ammiano explaining the recent veto of a finance bill Ammiano sponsored.
The memo contained a chiding acrostic spelling out of “F–k You” using the first letter of each line. Schwarzenegger claimed it was — wait for it, wait for it — an 8 million-to-1 coincidence. Finally, we have a governor who knows mathematical probabilities and poetic nuance.
The Satirical Bureau of Investigation — SBI — turned over to the Daily 49er a few other memos that are likely accidental acrostics. Warning: If you misinterpret these, as Ammiano assuredly did, please don’t be offended. They also are probably coincidental.
Supposedly tweeted by a group of California State University students on Twitter:
Dear Gov. Schwarzenegger,
From Humboldt to San Diego, the
Ugly cuts to education are devastating;
Chipping away our opportunities and
Killing the economy in ways hard to grasp.
Yearning to learn, we wish to remind you
Our state’s future looks incredibly bleak.
Unless funding is restored to our system,
Tomorrow’s youth face despair and anxiety.
Offer solutions that allow us to realize
Our dreams of having better lives.
This one was allegedly found on some disgruntled faculty group’s Facebook page:
Dear Chancellor Charles Reed,
Can’t you see how much damage our
System is suffering as you allow it to be
Underrepresented and, hence, destroyed?
Stand up to the “Educ-hater” for once.
Education is the only hope we have.
Learning is not a privilege, but a promise.
Let us have the resources we need to teach.
Over the course of your CSU leadership,
Underfunding has become your legacy.
Today, we ask you to earn your salary.
Presumably, this one was written on some CSU students’ MySpace walls under the name of Chancellor Chuckie Greed:
My dear CSU students,
Every year, I dance the dance in Sacramento
And Arnie bends me over his desk each time.
Trust that I always give my best fight, but
Struggling does a weak man no good.
He is too brutal, virile and strong for me.
I know how much a good education means.
Too bad for you that I already have mine.
We weren’t able to authenticate this interesting note shoved under our newsroom door, but it was addressed from Gov. Schwarzenegger to Chancellor Reed.
Dear lapdog, er, Chuckie,
By letting Cul-ee-for-nya slip and slide
Into an abyss of poverty versus elitism,
Take glee that we’ve wiped out the CSU
Enough to ensure a fresh supply of slaves.
Take pride that your wimpiness matters.
However our CSU reign of terror ends,
I want to thank you for loyal obedience.
Send me your best beefcake picture!
We hope these are the only accidental acrostics the SBI has in its archives so Gov. Pottymouth doesn’t embarrass himself again.
