Until now, Tiger Woods has never been so interesting.
As a high school student on the golf team in the late ’90s, I looked up to Tiger Woods — a lot. His domination of the game served as inspiration to an amateur golfer like myself, and I was constantly amazed by his seemingly ease of play. Bear in mind, golf is one of the most frustrating games in the world.
His record speaks for itself, as the guy is clearly one of the best golfers ever to play the game.
But I must admit, Tigergate has piqued my interest in the golfer more than his mastery of the game ever did. His epic fall from grace as poster-boy for wholesomeness just keeps getting better. His mistresses are equally as entertaining.
Consider the crazy legal episodes that have emerged from Tigergate involving porn star Joslyn James and some balls — golf balls, that is.
Veronica Siwik-Daniels, also known as Joslyn James, has enlisted the help of Ms. Opportunist, Gloria Allred, in banishing the unspeakable evils of a golf ball set called “Tail Of The Tiger — Mistress Collection,” released by Creative Classics, where each ball bears the photo of one of Tiger’s many women.
“As a victim of violence myself,” said the star of “Big Breasted Nurses” in a statement on Allred’s Web site, “it bothered me to think that someone would be standing with a dangerous club hitting a ball with my photo on it.”
This statement proves two things: one being that Allred will obviously take on any case anyone throws at her, and two, that the star of “Mama F–ked A Black Man” is just as big of an opportunist as Allred.
I wonder if Osama Bin Laden feels the same way about golf balls, dartboards and target practice boards that bear his photo. I say Osama should call up Gloria for some legal guidance.
My favorite part of this whole ordeal with the star of “Porn Star Brides” has to be that now, thanks to the release of Tiger’s alleged erotic text messages to the adult entertainer, we know that the number one golfer in the world is into rough sex and even has a “morbid curiosity” about golden showers.
For someone who was a “victim of violence,” as Siwik-Daniels claims, she was awfully tolerant of Tiger’s alleged texts calling for slapping, biting and spanking.
Either way, isn’t it refreshing to know that Tiger Woods sends “sexts” just like the rest of us? Come on, don’t lie. You know that text you sent to your girlfriend detailing the escapades of the night before? Well even the best golfer in the world does that, too, except he sends them to over a dozen different women at a time — and a couple of them are porn stars. But you get my point.
The only thing that disappoints me about Tiger is the phoniness demonstrated in his press conference and recent interview with ESPN News. The simple truth is that had he not been caught his sexual infidel libido would still be raging. This is kind of like the Michael Vick situation. If he hadn’t been caught he’d still be running dogfights.
I guess it is the nature of the world, though. Hold a press conference where you make some puppy dog eyes, claim you have found Jesus, and admit you need help and all will be forgiven.
Oh, and it would be absolutely terrible and irresponsible of you to go to tailofthetiger.com to get your commemorative set of Tigergate golf balls for only $48.95, plus shipping and handling, before Allred’s cease-and-desist order is enforced.
Gerry Wachovsky is a graduate student and columnist for the Daily 49er.
