For as long as I can remember I have been a Bill Maher fan. From his ABC show “Politically Incorrect” to his current show, HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher,” I have always admired Maher’s political commentary.
Last weekend “Real Time” began its eighth season on HBO, and if you’ve ever watched the program, you know about Maher’s “New Rules” segment. Here, Maher makes observations about current news and declares “new rules” that society, as a whole, should follow.
I think CSULB could benefit from some “New Rules”.
Note that the following is meant to be a tribute to Maher’s “New Rules” segment and that mine could never be as good or funny as Maher’s. But, I digress.
New rule: Campus religious groups should be prevented from holding “faith healing” demonstrations.
As I walked to lunch last Friday, I couldn’t help but notice the white gazebo dubbed the “love tent” set up by the Christian Students Unite group. Inside were several acoustic guitars for that “good ol’ acoustic praisin’ Jesus feel,” and outside I noticed a group of people apparently faith healing.
There’s a time and a place for this nonsense, and it’s on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.
While watching the makeshift healer say a prayer and place his hand on an entranced girl’s forehead — in order to course the power of Jesus through her veins — I couldn’t help but smile. I’ll be setting up a snake oil tent next week, so be on the lookout for that.
New rule: Do away with the Writing Proficiency Examination (WPE) or at least streamline it.
Held last weekend on campus, the WPE was not only a waste of paper but also a waste of time. Boasting a ludicrously high pass rate of around 90-percent, it is probably one of the most unnecessary gauges of writing ability ever devised. And why, in 2010, is this test not offered online?
Summarizing the private comments of a teacher who will go unnamed, the way to prepare for this test is simple: 1. Drink a fifth of Jack Daniel’s the night before, and on the test day wear an eye patch. 2. Tie your hands behind your back and place the pencil in your mouth. 3. Proceed to take the test. 4. Receive a passing score and continue pursuing your degree!
And finally, just because this got my blood boiling, new rule: The suicide pilot that protested the government by crashing his plane into the IRS office in Austin, Texas, is not to be called a “hero.”
After being asked on “Good Morning America” whether her father was a hero, Samantha Bell, daughter of Joe Stack, replied, “Yes, because now maybe people will listen.” Oh please. If they weren’t listening to whatever Stack was referring to before, they’re definitely not listening now.
Although she noted that the action of crashing the plane into the building and causing a dozen injuries and one death was “wrong,” her father’s message was still legitimate. No, Samantha, it wasn’t. Even the “God Hates Fags” people don’t protest the way your father did.
According to Bell, Stack was a “loving, caring, devoted man” who was “somewhat frustrated” over the government and wanted to “stand up to the system.” And really, what better way to express your feelings than writing a suicide note, burning your wife’s house to the ground, and then getting in a plane and flying it straight into a government building?
The only difference between Stack and the terrorists on Sept. 11, 2001, is that Stack wasn’t an Islamic fundamentalist. The extremism demonstrated here is one and the same.
Gerry Wachovsky is a graduate student and a columnist for the Daily 49er.
