Chuck Norris’ swearing to never swear makes him less badass

I’m just going to come out and say it: Chuck Norris isn’t even half the badass he once was. Remember when those tongue-in-cheek “Chuck Norris Facts” were all the rage? Things like “Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells them bleeding” and “Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier” used to be hilarious and served as a nod to the man who made his mark as a Jiu-Jitsu master and a fictional Texas ranger.

Those days are over, and there is only one thing we can thank for that – religion. It is a sad fact that even badasses find Jesus sometimes and become soft in a bittersweet reminder that religion, once again, messes up just about everything.

“The Expendables,” a film that came out in 2010, was touted as the action film to end all action films, and it essentially was.

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren and a plethora of other silver screen action aficionados, it had more scenes where nameless baddies exploded into red mist than any other film previously released.

It was large, ridiculous and nostalgic, paying homage to action films that people my age grew up with.

Then someone thought it would be a good idea to put Chuck Norris, everyone’s favorite Bible-thumping badass, in the sequel.

It’s not that I have a problem with Norris as a human being.

What I have a problem with is when his faith starts to affect my entertainment, which is just what happened with “The Expendables 2.” The original definitely earned its R-rating, and I figured that the sequel would no doubt receive the same rating due to its extreme violence, and in the end, it did, but because of

Chuck Norris’ disdain for swearing, it just didn’t have that extra bit of “oomph” it could have had.

In the long run, it doesn’t matter if any given movie has swearing or not, as characters cussing doesn’t make or break a movie (unless in the case of films like “Superbad.”) What bothers me the most about “The Expendables 2” was the producers’ apparent willingness to acquiesce to Norris’ demand that the movie’s language needed to be toned down or he wouldn’t participate in the film, as explained in a February interview by star Terry Crews. Eventually, the film did get its R-rating, featuring all the explosions, maimings, killings and epic battles that you’d expect from an over-the-top action extravaganza, which only proves the hypocrisy so present in religion and the people who subscribe to its nonsense. Norris, who has written several Christian-themed books and is a voice of the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools, isn’t OK with swearing being in a film but is perfectly fine with killing dozens of nameless bad guys with a gigantic automatic weapon, leaving nothing but a trail of blood and body parts in his wake.

Why is Norris’ god perfectly fine with this obvious dichotomy? If you are going to be Mr. Super Christian Extraordinaire, that’s fine, but at least remain consistent. Sadly with Norris, his hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Isn’t it funny how a guy who is so religious and devout is also the father of a daughter who was the result of an extramarital affair, as revealed on Entertainment Tonight back in 2004?

I’m pretty sure that if the imaginary man in the sky has a problem with swearing, he probably doesn’t appreciate adultery either. It never ceases to amaze me how the people who most attempt to indoctrinate other people to “the word” are often the biggest deceivers themselves.
 

Gerry Wachovsky is a graduate student and columnist for the Daily 49er.