By Staff
By: Zoe Kennedy
Like most people our age, I’ve tested the waters of dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, etc. But instead of finding the right partner, I found myself in a worse position than I was already in.
I know some people do, in fact, find their life-long partners through meeting online or dating apps by chance, but that’s a small percentage. It’s not that the rest of us don’t find relationships because we do, we just end up even more wounded.
I believe that dating apps are harming our generation and preventing us from healing the right way. Speaking from experience, in my most recent relationship, people are not who they come off to be and it took me a long time to realize that.
I know that my experiences with dating apps are shared, I’ve heard it from so many others. It’s so easy to deceive someone online and put your best foot forward so that they fall for you while you talk online for a few days, weeks, or whatever. They show you what you want to see and tell you what you want to hear.
And like me, a lot of us fall for that trick because we’re hopeless romantics and think, “omg they’re the one I’ve been waiting for!” So what do you do? You jump into a relationship with someone you barely know.
I fully understand that meeting someone organically is difficult these days because of the expansion of social media and people becoming so addicted and reliant on their phones, but meeting someone in person and slowly getting to know them is how you can really feel their energy and understand who they are.
I truly believe people who solely rely on dating apps to find their partners are not growing, they’re probably unhealed from past relationships and they’re too scared to face what’s really in front of them – themselves. Dating apps are a great way to be avoidant of your personal issues and deeply-rooted relationship trauma.
Call me a hater, but I’ve had some experience with dating apps and it has never worked out the way I want to. Though dating apps continue to disappoint me, I still consider re-downloading when I’m feeling lonely or want validation from some random stranger online. While that may boost my ego for a second, it’s temporary, and I’m still reminded of the scars from my past relationships.
That’s because I’m not healed. In September 2021, I broke up with my first ex-boyfriend. We dated for two years and it was hard for me to move on because there was nothing really wrong with him, I just grew apart from him and it wasn’t working. But this was my first breakup and I didn’t know how to do that.
Five months following the breakup, in January 2022, I found myself on Tinder because I felt so alone and I missed having someone. So I made my Tinder profile, and my first match was ex-boyfriend number two. We texted for one day, went on our first date, and he asked me to be his girlfriend five days later.
Little did I know, he was running away from his problems too. He had just gotten out of a relationship two weeks before he met me but didn’t tell me until months later. He said all the right things and showered me with gifts and romance in ways I’d never had before. But I didn’t get to know the real him until two months later.
He turned out to be extremely emotionally abusive with anger issues and I found myself stuck in a toxic relationship I didn’t know how to get out of. We broke up a total of four times, but I officially ended it this past October.
Since then, I’ve gone through everything. From listening to the saddest Taylor Swift songs on repeat, crying myself to sleep wondering what’s wrong with me, to trying to move on with someone new but finding myself unsuccessful, pretending like I don’t have any feelings, you name it.
I’m finally starting to feel better two months later, primarily because I’ve deleted the dating apps and I stopped talking to new guys in an attempt to fill some sort of void. I nurtured my friendships, became close with my coworkers, started trying new things like yoga, and prioritized myself. It sounds so cliche, but being alone and falling in love with my solitude is the best thing that could’ve happened to me.
I’m learning to love myself again. I found out the hard way but turning to dating apps to find someone who will “save you” is not the answer and is in fact your worst enemy. Take all the time you need to heal and really learn to be alone because the truth is, nobody is going to save you. Only you can save yourself.
