COLUMN: Nine solutions to Long Beach State’s identity crisis

We all know that Long Beach State has an identity problem, but it’s time for us to embrace it. Prospector Pete is gone after a number of protests, mascots have become extinct at games and the school has struggled with picking one name. In a recent meeting with Athletic Director Andy Fee and the Daily 49er sports staff, he emphasized the “uniqueness of having multiple names for the different teams on campus.”

I guess it’s better to have more names rather than having a single name like the UCLA Bruins.

I for one think it would be a great idea to embrace it. In fact, why don’t we give a different name to every team at Long Beach State; we’ll be the most unique school in California, maybe the world. Being the only university in the nation with Beach in its name must not be enough.

Women’s soccer has been wearing “Beach Futbol” shirts so naturally, the name that best fits it would be “Las Playas,” as we’re located by the beach and it rolls off the tongue nicely.

Men’s and women’s water polo is difficult to choose, but I ultimately went with “The Sharks.” I struggled with either sharks or dolphins, but after watching twenty minutes of “The Meg,” the choice was clear.

All the volleyball teams should take a more classic route and will therefore go by “The Nets.” If it worked for the New Jersey and Brooklyn Nets, why wouldn’t it work for Long Beach? Historically we really are a volleyball school, so it’s time to embrace the nets we have cut down in the last 40 years.

Tennis was tough, but after five hard minutes of thinking and giving up, I was told the “The Aces” would work.

Cross country should obviously be “The Road Runners,” and Track and Field should adopt the name, “The Squirrels.” There are squirrels everywhere on campus, they are pretty athletic and they aren’t afraid of anything, much like the athletes on the team.

Both golf teams are going to be “The Birdies,” and I know that’s not the best possible outcome in golf, but how cool would little birds be all over their shirts, pants and golf clubs.

Baseball is the only team that is going to keep its original name, “The Dirtbags.” It’s a great name that should definitely not be changed, no matter how much confusion it causes. While we’re at it, the softball team should embody the name as well. It’s gritty, and Long Beach State Athletics is pushing for something to show the blue collar work ethic that the city of Long Beach is known for.

The last two sports are men’s and women’s basketball. There were so many options for these two that I threw around, such as “Pete the Palm Tree,” “The Waves” and “The Beach,” but I thought the best name that fit was “The 49ers.” Since I started covering sports at LBSU, I got used to calling each team by that name, and basketball’s my favorite sport, so I decided that both teams should hold the name.  

So now, the school has nine team names that will each have their own mascot.

This really is the best solution for the crisis the school is going through. I’m sure the 49er Shops Bookstore will be thrilled by all the new apparel it’s going to receive and students will have more variety. Is it LBSU — or CSULB? Either way we will probably never be unified under one name, so let’s just embrace our diversity and become the most unique school in the nation. If you can’t beat them, out-name them.