By Superheroes — or, as I like to call them: “burning packages of caped testosterone singlehandedly destroying cities.” Personally, I don’t care about them. At all. But I do care about one aspect of the superhero universe — the women.
Sometimes, they’re lean, mean, curb-stomping machines. Other times they’re maniacal seductresses suffering from varying degrees of psychosis. What isn’t to like? Here’s a list of some of my favorite mutants, superheroines and their more destructive counterparts.
Harley Quinn (DC)
There’s something about a deranged, psychotic doctor that makes my little heart weep. Maybe it’s because Dr. Harleen Quinzel could either beat me into a thin paste or mend my mental wounds. Now, most super-characters in Marvel or DC are smart as hell — but what makes Harley Quinn special is that she’s batsh*t insane (in the best way possible) while still exercising her role as a trained psychiatrist.
The only thing about Dr. Quinzel is that she’s hopelessly in love with a manic sociopath. I’m waiting for the day where someone finally pairs Harley Quinn with Poison Ivy for good — but until then, I can wait with my fingers crossed. And either way, there’s something endearing about Harley Quinn and the Joker. Maybe it’s the fact that both characters welcome complete and utter chaos.
She’s a total babe who triple-hand-springed into my heart — catch me salivating over Margot Robbie’s role as her in the upcoming film “Suicide Squad.”
Scarlet Witch (Marvel)
I have an incredibly soft-spot for Wanda Maximoff (see: Scarlet Witch), both for her tragic backstory and emotionally-dead portrayal in the overall-“meh” “Avengers: Age of Ultron.” Wanda Maximoff is a cool, hex-waving superheroine and the very idea of her using her ability to manipulate chaos to pull out my heart has my knees weak.
I’ll never forgive “Age of Ultron” for butchering Scarlet Witch’s storyline. Ever. When did erasing a hero’s mutant identity ever help anyone? Thanks, Joss Whedon.
Catwoman (DC)
This is pretty typical. My prepubescent gay heart throbbed at Halle Berry “Catwoman” photos, and ever since seeing Anne Hathaway’s portrayal of the feral dominatrix, Selena Kyle has consumed my life.
Her crusade is akin to that of Robin Hood’s — except more garters, which no one can complain about. Selena Kyle stomped her stilettos all over my impressionable heart, but her noble nature (and chaotic neutral self) tends to win me over in even the tensest of moments. Whether Catwoman decides to be a friend or a foe, I’m always going to be a devout follower of the Church of Kyle.
Jessica Jones (Marvel)
I have to be honest. I hadn’t heard of Jessica Jones until Netflix came out with the heroine’s self-titled show. But does that really matter? The moment I laid eyes on that whiskey-swigging, car-lifting private investigator I fell in complete and total love.
Jessica Jones is my favorite kind of hero — a hero that doesn’t really want to be a hero, but just so happens to have special abilities and a lot of pent-up aggression because of a troubled past. Also, she’s a total hard-ass, bad-ass and definitely kick-ass.
Storm (Marvel)
I love my superheroines of color — especially when they’re able to manipulate all forms of weather. Storm’s powers can be as harmless as casting a light drizzle over pastures or inciting a rage-filled hurricane over the west coast.
The concept is interesting: a mutant so in tune with the natural world that she is able to breathe underwater, visualize kinetic energy and freeze people in place. Storm isn’t a mutant, she’s a goddess out of ancient mythology, an extension to a line of African priestesses with very capable hands that yield violent, insurmountable power.
And I love it.
