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The grossest ‘Thing’ you’ve ever seen

"The Thing" opened in theaters nationwide on Oct. 14.

In Matthis van Heijningen Jr.’s latest film, “The Thing,” Antarctica is depicted as a fabulous frontier to conduct research, unearth an unknown specimen and then be ripped apart and devoured by it.

In “The Thing,” feisty young paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) joins Dr. Sander Halversen (Ulrich Thomsen) and his airhead assistant Adam Goodman (Eric Christian Olsen) on a journey to the frozen middle of nowhere to assist a group of Norwegian researchers who have apparently found “something” in the ice.

They rush to the site and pluck out the block of ice that entombs the creature. At that point, Dr. Halversen decides to penetrate the frozen exterior with a long drill to obtain a tissue sample, despite the fact that Kate recommends otherwise in the name of safety and sanitation. She is quickly put in her place and told that she’s only there to excavate, not opinionate.

In a predictable “told-you-so” moment, the beast erupts through the ice and snatches up several of the drunken Norwegians who were in the middle of celebrating their discovery and discussing the fame they’ll soon acquire — a fame they’d never actually know.

The infamous “thing” lives up to its name and really could not be described in any other way. It combines all of the creepiest and cringe-worthy body parts of earthly beings into a single clawed, razor-toothed, fleshy, slimy and tentacle-y beast built for carnage. To complicate matters even more, the researchers discover that the beast captures its victim and eats it before copying its DNA and replicating its physical form. In other words, any of the group members could actually be a reproduction of the beast in disguise, just waiting to pop out of its shell like a jack-in-the-box — only bloodier.

From there, the film turns into war among colleagues who don’t trust each other but are stuck in close quarters because of the colossal storm outside. They disappear one by one and emerge as a beast that can only be stopped with the flamethrowers that the group, so conveniently, has on hand.

The film is enjoyable because it keeps audiences guessing. There are countless variables and clues that could denote a seemingly trustworthy person as a predator with a clever shell. It could be anyone. It could be everyone. It could be no one. But it’s probably someone.

The plot of the film is unrealistic, but not entirely unfathomable. If one goes into it knowing what to expect — and especially after watching the original — it’s a fairly entertaining Halloween activity.

Eating anything while watching it, however, is not advised in the least. Scenes of partially-developed clones enveloped in mucus membranes are anything but savory, and might keep some viewers from enjoying food for several hours after watching — especially anything moist.

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