There is nothing less attractive than a person who lacks confidence and isn’t secure enough in his or her own skin to be alone and single.
If you want to be crude about it, one can even go far as to say that relationship hopping equals co-dependency issues, which only brings the “cling-on” syndrome.
A male user of PlentyofFish.com, a free dating site, recently asked the dating community for a little clarity. In a thread titled “Relationship hopping,” he expressed his confusion over how women tend to jump from relationship to relationship like it’s an easy task.
“I guess they consider it like not quitting your job until you find a new one. I just don’t get it,” he posted.
It’s so funny he should say that because it’s so true. I’m almost positive that a majority of women have a plan B, whether they choose to admit it or not.
Just like men know exactly who they would hook up with if they broke up with their girlfriend, women know exactly who they would devour in a heartbeat once that freedom bell rings. Believe me.
Don’t get me wrong, relationships are indeed nice, but they don’t exactly equate to happiness.
“Relationships should be about quality, not quantity,” said Jennifer Murphy, an interpersonal communication teacher at the College of Alameda in the Bay Area.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. When you relationship hop, quality is pretty much thrown right out the door.
Why would you lower your standards like that? Is it the feeling of loneliness that haunts you? Is it that your self-esteem is so low that perhaps it’s better to have someone, anyone, than no one at all? This is a sign of weakness, and only it increases your likelihood of heartbreak.
Newsflash: It’s totally OK to be alone for a while.
I find solitude offers a sense of self-reflection that is important to keep from making the same mistakes over and over again, from one relationship to the next. It’s no wonder there are women and men out there who can’t keep a steady relationship. They never learn anything from their past relationships because they never take a timeout for themselves to learn from it.
Personally, I think that when you jump from relationship to relationship, you shed a little bit of your identity each time until eventually, you no longer have much of an identity left. This is what’s happening to these relationship hoppers as their identities shed like sunburned skin.
Healthy relationships involve a mutual respect for individualism. Relationships should add to your life, not take away from it.
So the next time you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t look for happiness from another person. Look for happiness from within yourself first. If you don’t know how to make yourself happy, how the heck do you expect to make someone else happy?
Lastly, you’ll probably be married for the rest of your life anyway, so take advantage of all the freedom you have while you still can.
Niki Payne is a senior journalism major, an assistant city editor and a columnist for the Daily Forty-Niner.
