If the Spears sisters’ parents had employed some good old-fashioned discipline when their daughters were young, custody battles, teen pregnancy and the looney bin could have been far from their reality.
Everybody has enjoyed, at least once in their life, the supermarket adventure of a five-year-old’s hissy fit when mom says “no” in the toy section.
While “no” should be the end of the discussion, once the waterworks start and the screaming follows, moms get embarrassed and that little boy gets exactly what he wants.
Children are running the house, and parents are losing control.
When children hear “no” they see it is as a starting point for their negotiations. If a children start throwing a fit when something is not going their way and the fit works, they learn that is the behavior that gets them what they want.
At a young age, children learn to test the limits. Children want to see how far they can go and what they can get away with. This does not make them bad.
It makes them normal. They need to learn the limits and they learn by testing them.
Limits help children understand right from wrong, safety from danger and so on. When parents fail to make those limits clear, children have a much harder time adapting when they find themselves in situations where they no longer get exactly what they want when they want it.
Recently, families have adopted the liberal way of talking to children as small adults and feel that any words that are less than positive damage a child’s self-esteem. What they fail to realize is that by telling their children that everything they do is great when it is really mediocre, it sets them up for disappointment when they get out into the real world, or even school. Everything they do is not praised as the “best work ever created.”
Children do not need moms and dads to be their friends. They need them to be teachers. Parents having problems with this concept look to books, magazines, classes and TV to help them learn how to raise their children better. The media has picked up on this market and responded accordingly.
“Nanny 911,” a reality TV show on FOX, and “Supernanny” on ABC both deal with families (usually with multiple children) and disciplinary issues they are facing. The nannies have strict rules and high expectations for parents and children.
While these shows offer sound advice, parents need to realize that not all children respond the same way to disciplinary action. Communication and dedication to doing what works for the individual child is more beneficial than an hour of prime-time television.
By taking a more proactive approach to parenting – rather than wimping out to little Tommy’s spoiled brat ‘tude – young people might develop goals beyond prison or some Malibu rehab/nightclub.
Jackie Taheny is a senior journalism major and a contributing writer for the Daily Forty-Niner.
