I’ve always been a little uneasy when passing by cemeteries. The idea of one day dying and having worms drill through my eyeballs and maggots writhing inside my decomposing corpse isn’t exactly my cup of tea.
My preference has always been cremation. It’s fast. It’s easy. It’s clean. And it would definitely liberate my soul from this fleshy, superficial prison.
Unlike being buried, you’re not eternally bound to a funeral plot. You can move as freely as you want, should you decide to have your ashes released into the wild. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it’s basically the next best thing to flying.
I mean, once you get past the fact that you’re dead, it’s actually pretty exhilarating. You can travel to all the places you’ve ever wanted to and finally understand the meaning of being “one” with nature.
Personally, I would want my ashes to be dumped into the ocean so that I could float from place to place and see the world.
That was my plan. I had it all thought out and everything. I was going to be cremated when I died and everything from then on was going to be a long, relaxing vacation. Death never looked so enticing.
And then I read a recent story in the newspaper about a crematory in China dumping half-burnt corpses to try to save on increasing diesel costs.
Thank you, China. Thank you for flushing my grand idea of an exciting, nomadic afterlife down the drain. Remind me to not look into your funeral services as I near my death.
Suddenly, becoming a rotting carcass doesn’t sound half bad next to the notion of possibly having my half-burnt entrails and limbs put into plastic bags and thrown into a communal ditch.
I suppose with a proper burial, I would at least have my own space and some “breathing” room. I hear coffins can be pretty cozy. At some places, you can even choose what kind of wood you want (I like mahogany).
If anything, I won’t have to worry about suspicious villagers being on my case because of my unbearable stench.
You know, maybe I’ll look into this whole burial business after all. Come to think of it, I don’t mind making a few new friends. I’ll be confined to my little grave, but at least I won’t be alone. Parasites are living creatures, too, right?
God, I hope so.
Nina Nguyen is a sophomore English major.
