Aside from the few Neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klan members among us, almost every student on this campus can agree that genocide is a horrible, despicable and nauseating thing. Nonetheless, it continues to go on throughout the world.
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In this instance, as in many instances, we can all agree that there is a problem. Agreeing on a solution is, as always, much more difficult. The first option (and the one currently being employed) is to do nothing. This is perhaps not the most effective of possible solutions, however. As the old saying goes, “Nothing from nothing leaves nothing…”
A second solution is the use of diplomacy through the United Nations. But this is akin to sending a lawyer to Adolph Hitler with a letter written with strongly-worded legal language asking him to please stop the Holocaust. Again, we end up not accomplishing much (not to mention wondering why we never heard back from our lawyer).
A third, more decisive action would be sending U.S. troops to countries engaging in the practice in order to put a stop to it. But if the Iraq war has taught us anything, it’s that any time U.S. troops enter a country, they have a hell of time getting out. The long-term consequences of such an action may be too much to bear.
But all is not lost. There is, in fact, an easy, convenient and effective solution to the problem: nuclear weapons!
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Just where are we going to get nuclear weapons?” You’re in luck.
You see, a few years back, we had something called the Cold War (which, contrary to popular belief, was not in fact the battle between Mr. Freeze and the caped crusaders Batman and Robin). There were missiles pointed in all directions, monkeys in space, investigations by Joe McCarthy – these were more innocent times for America (innocent times that produced a lot of nukes).
There were many casualties of the Cold War, but the greatest tragedy of all was that we never got to use a single one of these suckers. As a U.S. taxpayer and a fan of action films, I feel that we were very much cheated.
But now, we’ve got stockpiles of weapons just lying around, not doing anyone any good with no communist enemies to destroy – until now.
The new U.S. foreign policy in dealing with nations that engage in genocide: blow it off the face of the earth. No negotiations, no warnings, no exceptions. You are either with us, or you are with genocide.
The best part of using nuclear weapons is that it will end the killing with little or no negative consequences for the United States It is a win-win situation for peace-loving citizens the world over.
Even after we’ve ended the global war on genocide, there will still be plenty of nuclear missiles to go around. This should aid us in solving that pesky situation in Iraq: pull the troops out and level the whole country.
In addition to ending all of the violence between Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds, the Bush administration will finally be able to save face now that there really will be WMDs in Iraq. (The fact that we brought them there is largely irrelevant.) And, in 100 to 200 years, when the radiation wears off, we can finally build that idyllic, democratic Iraq that the neo-conservatives promised us before the war started.
Sean J. Cumberland is a junior political science major.
