We thought we were lucky in the year 2000. Humanity as we know it escaped the apocalypse by a thread. Looking back, I still can’t believe we made it. Wondering if the world would end as soon as all our computers’ internal clocks turned from 1999 to double-zero was almost too much to handle. After watching the ball drop in Times Square on “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve,” my prayer group thanked the Lord almighty for the gift he had bestowed on us: continued life.
But now, we as a people are threatened again. Our civilization will end on Dec. 21, 2012. The Mayans — who ironically couldn’t predict the fall of their own civilization — have set a date for humanity to end, and there is proof it will happen. This isn’t some crazy mumbo jumbo, so heed my warning: start panicking now.
One of the great prophets of our time — Ashton Kutcher — was recently quoted in a Men’s Fitness article where he stated that his hard-core workouts — which include practicing an Israeli Army combat technique — are all done for the purpose to prepare him for the end of days, and he’s not the only one. Kutcher is joined by a slew of modern intellectuals including Woody Harrelson, Janeane Garofalo and Lil’ Wayne.
Science further confirms the end of the world is approaching. The galactic alignment is coming. The planets are set to be aligned, and this alignment will cause an effect between the Sun and the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy, which is called Sagittarius A* and will ultimately produce chaos and wreak havoc here on Earth. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but let me just assure you that it is backed up by science. Would it be on Wikipedia if it wasn’t?
Now, some people claiming to be official scientists may try to tell you that this alignment already happened in 1998 and others may say that Sagittarius A* — which is 30,000 light years from the Earth — would need to be over six million times closer to cause any problems on Earth or with our solar system. Clearly these opinions — often passed off as facts — are just conjectures from NASA dropouts who don’t want us to know the truth. And what does NASA even know how to do well besides stage moon landings?
The Mayan calendar is a cyclical calendar that only spans 5,125 years and then resets, and December 2012 is when this reset will occur. It is at this time that the world will reset as well. The Mayans could have made their calendar 5,130 years and they could have made it span for an even 6,000 years, but they chose to make it 5,125 years for a reason.
Let me break down the number 5,125. The “12” in the middle clearly stands for the twelfth month, then if you reverse that you get “21,” which is obviously the day. Now, take the two fives, add them up and you get ten. Now multiply that by two and take the result — which should be “20” — and tack the middle number in “5,125” on to the end of that number. You should have gotten “2012”. Now put it all together: December 12, 2012.
I’ve personally run this mathematical process through every date that we have had since 1900 and up until 2050 and nothing else converges like this.
Not enough people are afraid of the world ending, and sane people like myself are too often written off as “wackos” and “nutjobs.” Ashton Kutcher and Lil’ Wayne have done the math as have I, and all signs point to a 2012 apocalypse. In fact, if you share our point of view, feel free to join our “December 20, 2012, Mass Suicide Meetup” group on Facebook.
Oh, and in the off chance that these prophets are wrong, there’s always the Second Coming, so believe in Jesus and don’t forget to tip your preacher.
Gerry Wachovsky is a graduate student and columnist for the Daily Forty-Niner.
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