Marriage — or any other ceremony that celebrates the unity of two separate individuals — has become a familiar aspect in everyone’s life worldwide. In fact, it is more than familiar. It is nearly a universal tradition.
However, after having been in three long-term relationships, I have concluded that it is truly a challenge for many people to remain monogamous. This theory has been supported by many biologists — including David Barash — who explained, “[Monogamy] is within the human potential, but it’s not easy.”
Now, I don’t mean to discourage anyone with high hopes of a fairytale wedding. Instead, I hope to — perhaps — permit room for understanding to those who have fallen victim to infidelity.
When a spouse “cheats,” I can assure you it does not mean that they are uninterested or less interested in his or her partner. In fact, “cheating” can happen for absolutely no apparent reason. In many cases, there is no problem in the given relationship when a partner cheats.
Human beings are very complicated mammals. Our emotions for an endeared individual will lead us to believe that what we desire is to be monogamous with that specific partner. However, the very moment in which we are seduced by another — which could very easily happen — what we felt for our supposed “lover” seems to disappear, at lease briefly. After this, we tend to feel a rush of regret or guilt or both, but this depends on the person.
I may sound like a broken record, but it is in a man’s nature to reproduce consistently due to the vast number of sperm produced in a male’s body, while it is in a woman’s biological nature to reproduce with men who express dominance or power, as women are subconsciously attracted to a partner who is capable of caring for her and any potential offspring.
In essence, men are pigs, yet women disregard this and convince themselves that their boyfriend or husband is “different.” Just kidding; Men indeed may be “pigs,” but there is no doubt that they have feelings as well. True, men are more easily seduced than women are, but men are entirely capable of caring for a partner enough to practice self-restraint. Or shall I say heavily practice self-restraint.
Our biological nature definitely does not justify adultery. If two partners vow to remain together “until death do us part,” then this means they feel they are fully competent of doing exactly that. Although we do comprise the mind set of mammals, human being’s are recognized for being able to operate against our biological tendencies. Thus, like Barash said, people are capable of being monogamous; however, despite the affection one might feel for another, it is a challenge, especially throughout lengthy periods of commitment like marriage.
Now you might be wondering, “Then what’s the point of marriage?” Well, despite a man’s or woman’s incapability of being monogamous, many of us — nonetheless — are lucky enough to find what some people like to call our “soul mates.” And since humans are one of the few mammals that encompass a wide range of emotion, we also have the innate capacity to love another enough to ignore or reject any outside seduction we come across.
This being said, marriage should not be viewed as a tradition appropriate for everybody’s life. Rather, it should be something we learn to value and partake in if and when we feel completely confident that it is precisely what we want. This means — key word — convincing ourselves otherwise when we begin to experience cold feet, or reflecting about and thoroughly understanding all that marriage will entail once we decide to commit to it.
And for those of you who quake at the thought of marriage: If marriage isn’t for you, don’t allow the status quo or governmental benefits of marriage to lure you into it. Simply accept your independence and individuality and carry on.
Sonia Guillen is a junior journalism major and the opinions editor for the Daily 49er.
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